After my brother died a couple of years ago, I went numb. I went through the motions of living--and even managed to fall in love--but failed to remember to do me. And here I sit, two years later feeling burned out and unsure of how to recharge myself so I can continue to give what I have to offer to others. Maybe those things are connected, maybe I'm overthinking--I don't know. What I do know is that this last year I came close to a breaking point...and I wasn't going to surrender so easily.
So I remembered one of my primary passions: music. Last summer, I became obsessed with the music of Ray LaMontagne and wanted to know where he came up with his material. A lot of it is actually poetry. So I listened to everything of his I could manage to find and did some research on his life (but didn't come up with much, because the man is very, very private and reclusive.) In any case, I saw him live at the Basilica Block Party last year and wept almost the entire time--his music spoke to me that much. His music struck that "chord" in me.
What I've been thinking about is how music can heal a person, how others' stories in songs/poetry can cull our ethos and begin to make us feel whole again. Maybe when I was so into Ray LaMontagne's music, I was feeling around the dark corners for the soft, sore spots of my psyche. Now, with Neil Young, perhaps I'm beginning to wonder and be curious again.
Or maybe they're just both really good musicians and I'm overthinking the "why" and not focusing on the "what" enough. Why, whatever is that? Oh, yeah--that's me.